Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in blurredxedges' LiveJournal:

Thursday, July 20th, 2006
2:24 am	what the hell am i completely unable to be happy? is there some secret law preventing me from being able to genuinely smile? i think ive made the wrong choice in school, its virtually impossible for me to hold down any sort of relationship, i feel as though my best friend/other half and i are slowly growing apart, my family is moving ridiculously far away, i dont have the slightest idea of what i want to major in, and all of this grey area shit is pissing me off. i hate my job, i hate not having a social life, and i hate being forgotten by all my friends. i have so many thoughts about this right now that i cant possibly write them all down in one entry. i think im headed toward a nervous breakdown. every time i start to think about all this i get panicky and short of breath, yet if i DONT think about it i may never resolve it and thats just as bad. all i have to say is thank god for brandon. youve been a big help, mr kern, and not with just this. i owe you more than i will ever be able to repay. im lucky as hell to have a friend like you. im going to sound like a sap/baby, but i dont even care - i just want somebody to hold me. not as a friend, parent, sibling, or lover. just somebody who i can talk to and have them understandlisten to everything i say and offer advice without my feeling as though theyre only doing it BECAUSE they are my friend/parent/sibling/lover. i think right now i really just need an ex. does that make any sense? one i havent talked to for a while, but with whom i still get along/am friendly. i just hope my ex'es see this and feel like being kind. (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 6th, 2006
3:51 pm	"so its kinda like, 'hey wassup?' day today" hi, my name is john and im a truant. i called myself in sick to school today because 1.)my parents were out of town 2.)i really didnt feel like going so i stayed home and napped all day. yesterday was great though. after i came home from school i went to denison and saw evan and met some more of his friends (i cant think of any other songs taryn. sorry). after eating with his friends we went on a quick tour of the campus and then hung out in his dorm until his recital (which, by the way, was amazing). after that i came home, took care of the dogs, and then went to kroger. i seem to be spending entirely too much time there. every time i go its to see if the doctors office has called in my perscription yet. they still havent. finally i got tired of waiting and asked if there was anything else i could take while i wait. they gave me a two week perscription of some antibiotic or antibacterial thing. i dont know which it is, nor do i know how the hell its gonna help. whatever, at least i have some sort of medication they think will help. and if it doesnt i can always sell the pills on the black market and finally be able to afford my other porsche. im washing my sheets right now. i woke up in the middle of the night last night in a cold sweat and found i had sweated through my sheets. ugh, i hate being sick. school tomorrow (gag me with a spoon) then work (gag me with a serrated spoon) then its spring break!!! Current Mood: sick Current Music: Snow Patrol - "Velocity Girl" (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, April 3rd, 2006
6:41 pm	so you know how i said i have ADD? i just wasted the last........i dont even know how long it was, but all i did was play with colors in an attempt to make my page more appealing. im sorry to say it, but i think i failed in that endeavor. let me know what you think. if you have any questions, comments, deep thoughts, new "yo momma" jokes, or insightful palm readings you may feel free to leave a comment or give me a call. Current Mood: creative Current Music: Howie Day - "Collide" (4 Comments |Comment on this)
6:26 pm	sidenote i turn 18 two weeks from tomorrow. just letting you all know. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
6:09 pm	brake pads and breezes i took my car to roush today for some servicing. my "check engine" light was on, so i figured it was a good idea. they spent an hour and a half working on my car. they said they checked everything. my "check engine" light is still on. they said to ignore it. oh well. its been on before and nothing was wrong, so i blame it on akward wiring in the engine. however, if i die in a flaming ball of destruction while driving, my parents have excellent grounds for a lawsuit. almost makes you want to get out the old "pro-con" list, doesnt it? yeah, me too. after that i kinda meandered my way back home and here i am, updating my journal when i could be napping. see what i do so you people can read all about my thrilling life? i give up sleep. i dont normally do that. and by "normally" i mean "ever." oh, by the way The Most Akward Moment Of The Day Today: i saw a teacher at gallery hop saturday night. ive never had her for a teacher, ive never been one of her students. she stops me in the hall today and asks me how my boyfriend and i enjoyed gallery hop and would we be donating any more art to the next one. i stared at her before correcting her on a few things. 1.)hes not my boyfriend unless i missed a whole bunch of information/conversations 2.)we didnt donate art. im crap with clay/paint/caryons 3.)its akward to stop random strangers in the hallway and ask if they and their boyfriend will donate more art to gallery hop 4.)in general, its akward to stop people you dont know anywhere at any time her response: oh. well, my friends think hes cute. if you want to date him, you have our approval. okay, lady. im so glad you feel the need to give me your approval to date people. i was really worried that you might not approve, since i know you so well and value your opinion and everything...... who does that?!?! Current Mood: she confused me in the hall Current Music: Story Of The Year - "Sidewalks" (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 2nd, 2006
4:03 pm	note to self stop using "probably" in every other sentence. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
1:46 pm	yesterday was quite possibly one of the best days ever. my sister came home, i went and saw kerry at ruehl, i napped a lot, and then i went to gallery hop. that was probably the highlight of my weekend. i was going to go with some friends, but they all ended up cancelling on me so i didnt have anybody to go with. actually, thats probably the best thing that could have happened to me. since i wasnt able to go with my friends, i ended up going with evan. schedule of the evening: went and picked evan up from denison went downtown and gallery hopped for a little bit stopped by cup'o'joe and drank outside i saw 1 teacher, 2 managers, and a couple friends while sitting and drinking my coffee continued gallery hopping until 10 took a walk in goodale park went back to denison around 11:30 met some of evans really cool friends took a tour of the dorm building with evan and taryn sat and talked for a while got home around 2 this morning and here i am, updating my journal while pretending to write a paper for english class. i actually think im going to go put clean sheets on my bed and finish some other random household chores i have to do so i can take my siblings out to coffee. does anybody want to go thrifting/costume shopping? i need to find something for a themed birthday party. Current Mood: happy Current Music: Howie Day - "Collide" (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 1st, 2006
1:12 pm	revelations, epiphanies, and breakfast i decided to actually go back and read the journal entries that i wrote last summer. i must say, its amazing how much i and my opinions have changed. and, after comparing who i am now to who i was 9 months ago, i must also say that im very thankful i changed/was influenced to change. only a couple of you know exactly what i mean by that; you are the ones who were (and still are) my support system. i couldnt be who i am today without you. so how do i tell you exactly how much what you did means to me? i dont think i can. all i can say is.......thanks. i love you. Current Mood: content Current Music: Hellogoodbye - "Touchdown Turnaround" (Comment on this)
Friday, March 31st, 2006
4:53 pm	give me everything you got now... its friday (thank whatever supreme being in which you believe) no lab today, so i got to "sleep in" until about 7:30. cutting it kind of close, but i was tired. school was, as usual, extremely boring. why dont they just exempt seniors from the last quarter of the year? however, i was able to put together some sort of senior tag team. so far its going to be claire, sean, and myself. randall will hopefully say yes, but he doesnt know if hes playing yet. he should be calling me with his answer this weekend. so i officially hate my doctors office. ive been waiting for almost 2 weeks to get a certain medication, and everytime i try there is some sort of problem that they should have fixed. hey guess what, northside internal medicine? IF YOU THINK I SHOULD BE TAKING A CERTAIN PILL TO IMPROVE MY HEALTH, DONT YOU THINK YOU SHOULD MAKE IT SO I CAN ACTUALLY GET THAT PILL?!?! heretic viewpoint, i know, but im really getting frustrated. oh, and i just found out that the gay guy who works at my bank is stalking me. he knows my name, height, weight (from my license), my social security number, how much i put in my account, how much i take out, what kind of car i drive, and the license plate. freaky? yes, freaky. and i decided not to call in to work today. they never need me when i have a call-in so i decided to save my minutes. to be frank, hollister really isnt worth it. looking for plans for the evening. want to hang out? feel free to call. if you have the link to this then you can find my number. Current Mood: giddy Current Music: The Fray - "Over My Head" (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 30th, 2006
9:10 pm	you're like an old friend. one that i stuffed under my bed and forgot about... HOLY SHIT, YO!! its been an obscenely long time since i was last on here. it seems as though i want to get back into this thing, but i never have the time to get on here each day (roughly) and write about my life. anyway, ive noticed some things of late. my usernames are REALLY emo. blurredxedges on LJ? gods_accident on myspace? good lord, i was such an emo/scene poser. luckily that phase is behind me and im just sticking with the music. anyway, the point of an LJ is to talk about yourself and your life, right? well.......im boring and nothing ever really happens to me. friends? love them, especially my best friend beth. she devotes song lyrics to me. i love you susanpants! family? lets not even go there. my brother and sister are coming home for the weekend, so i will be trying my best to spend as much time as far away from home as possible. i like my family well enough, dont get me wrong, but i really just cant wait to live on my own. without them. love life? basically its just an ongoing joke. ive had my ups and downs just like everybody else, but for once it might be nice to find a relationship that lasts or something. please feel free to let me know if im demanding too much. but if any of you are thinking about trying out for the position of John's Significant Other, here are some things i like. you dont have to be all/any of them, its just a list of things to which i find i am attracted. ºhave musical tastes congruent to mine. i absolutely refuse to talk to anybody who is addicted to rap/country/classical/jazz. i can only take those in small doses. ºbe expressive when you talk. use any feature you can to accentuate your speech. i talk with my hands, face, eyebrows, and occasionally my terrible white-boy dance moves. you should too (but you can skip the dancing if you want, i really wont mind too much). ºif your first question is about sex, we won't get beyond that point. why? because i won't answer you. little known fact- THERE IS MORE TO A RELATIONSHIP THAN SEX. ºwork somewhere interesting. coffee shops, animal shelters, book stores all earn you bonus points. anywhere unexpected/out of the ordinary is cool. ºHAVE OPINIONS. dont just agree with me because you want to get along well with me. people like that make me angry. i enjoy discussing/arguing (YES, there IS a difference. find out what it is before talking to me) things. i dont want to date somebody who is the complete opposite of me, but then again the world really only needs one john sweet. really. ºgood smiles (used often) are amazing. ºGRAMMAR. my mother was an english major and because of that i consider my grammar to be a cut above the average joe's grammar. it doesnt have to be impeccable (sp? remember, im a grammar whore, not a spelling whore), but double negatives and "me and my friends" are like nails on a blackboard to me. ºdont be too perfect, otherwise i might start to doubt your sincerety/honesty/potential dateability. ºbe random. normality bores me more than the weather forecast. lori and i enjoy talking about hunting orange koalas on the weekends. come with us next time!! ºbelieve in something. be it god, the lack thereof, or yourself i dont care. just be a firm believer of SOMETHING. ºenjoy going outside. dont ask me to go camping for 2 weeks or spend my summer hiking some obscure mountain range, but if you enjoy walking in parks or sitting on a beach you may walk to the front of the line. right now. ºbe patient. even i will tell you i take some getting used to. ºknow what you are worth, but dont be excessively full of yourself. ºhave a vocabulary comparable to that of a college student, but dont use words nobody has ever heard of. ºenjoy making out/kissing/holding me. im very adamant about that. ºbe creative, be able to find something fun to do no matter where you are/who you are with. ºcall me randomly. i hate being the one to always start phone/internet conversations. ºend my streak of unhappy relationships. if you arent any/some/all of these things, i dont care. just end my lonliness. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Weezer- "Best Friend" (Comment on this)
Friday, June 17th, 2005
6:49 pm	today was great. i had my interview at abercrombie and i got a new battery for my phone. actually its kind of sad that thats all it takes to make me happy... (Comment on this)
10:15 am	my favorite quotes from swimming. "jeff its really cold." "i dont wanna do this." "just shut up and get in the water." "jeff its really cold." "whats the IM?" "jeff its really cold." "hey look- amandas here!!" "GET YOUR ASS OFF THE WALL, YOU SLACKER!!!" "uummmmmmmmmm i have to get out at 8......." "how'd your interviews go?" "jeff its really cold." "what the hell are we doing?!" "ITS DESCEND, YOU FOOL!!" (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 16th, 2005
11:48 am	swimming this morning sucked ass. it was cold as fuck and the pool was even colder. everytime we took a stroke our arms went numb. then jeff thought it would be cool to make us do a shit load of kicking, so our faces and backs went numb too. naturally jeff thought it was the funniest thing ever and didnt let us stop. last night was pretty fun though- having dinner at damons with all that shit being thrown. and then there was the whole fiasco with the salt shaker and my water glass. but whatever. it was worth it and i had fun. sorry i couldnt go to the coliseum with you kerry. maybe you should give me more notice next time lol. that way i can bring a friend so i dont have to follow you and your girlfriend around the whole time while that group of strange girls grabs my ass every time i walk past them. as much fun as that was, im never going alone again. or without my glasses- im not much of a fan of being blind. but im still tired, so im going to go take a nap. again. what can i say? i love my bed more than anything. (Comment on this)
Monday, June 13th, 2005
10:17 am	were you born to resist, or be abused? i swear i'll never give in... i refuse... Current Mood: exanimate (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 9th, 2005
2:55 pm	portswimmer48: mJSdgklufg .kzsdfhg bukjzfb jk.dfbjksdfhjkghdfnukgeasyfugbiuzdfy g wo4fyglaiekrh gkjsdbh aekfb ;idufhg Hammyrat2000: thats so wang claire = fantastic "thats so vulgar" "that was really grotesque" "ive got my pencil out, ready to puncture any of those little bastards who get in my way." Current Mood: blah (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 8th, 2005
12:28 pm	SCHOOLS OUT BITCHES!! so today was my last day of exams and im really relieved. i did alright in ap brit lit- an A overall and im happy with that. but in the last 24 hours i dont think ive ever had so many funny conversations. "thats so westervelt" "thats so smith!" "THATS SO WANG!!!!" lol claire youre great.....LETS GO RUNNING!!! and of course i cant forget brunch today after exams with ashlee. that was great. "what the hell are they laughing at?!" "did somebody die over there?" "people actually pray like that." and of course all the pictures taken on your front porch. lol those are great! "...sometimes i take off all my clothes and run around naked while screaming, "hey look at my new part-time job!!!" would that be ok for her birthday?" "we cant show those pictures to anybody. im not 18 yet!!" Current Mood: schools out for the summer (Comment on this)
Monday, May 30th, 2005
1:24 pm	Last time I talked to you You were lonely and out of place You were looking down on me Lost out in space We laid underneath the stars Strung out and feeling brave I watched the red orange glow I watched you float away Down here in the atmosphere Garbage and city lights You've gone to save your tired soul You've gone to save our lives I turned on the radio To find you on satellite I'm waiting for the sky to fall I'm waiting for a sign And all we are Is all so far You're falling back to me The star that I can see yeah I know your out there, somewhere out there You're falling out of reach Defying gravity yeah I know you're out there, somewhere out there Hope you remember me When you're home sick and need a change I miss your purple hair I miss the way you taste I know you'll come back some day On a bed of nails I wait I'm praying that you don't burn out or fade away And all we are Is all so far You're falling back to me The star that I can see yeah I know your out there, somewhere out there You're falling out of reach Defying gravity yeah I know you're out there, somewhere out there You're falling back to me The star that I can see I know your out there, ohhh Your falling out of reach Defying gravity I know you're out there, somewhere out there Your falling back to me The star that I can see yeah I know your out there, somewhere out there Your falling out of reach Defying gravity yeah I know you're out there, somewhere out there You're falling back to me I know, I know You're falling out of reach ohhhhhh I know... ______________________________________________________________ Oh, Johnny wishes he was famous Spends his time alone in the basement With a Lennon and Cobain and A guitar and a stereo And while he wishes he could escape this But it all seems so contagious Not to be yourself and faceless In a song that has no soul I remember feeling low I remember losing hope And I remember all the feelings and the day they stopped We are, we are all innocent We are all innocent We are, we are... We are, we are all innocent We are all innocent We are, we are... Oh, and Tina losing faith in what she knows Hates her music, hates all of her clothes Thinks of surgery and a new nose Every calorie's a war And while she wishes she was a dancer And that she’d never heard of cancer She wishes God would give her some answers And make her feel beautiful I remember feeling low I remember losing hope I remember all the feelings and the day they stopped We are, we are all innocent We are all innocent We are, we are... We are, we are all innocent We are all innocent We are, we are... One day, you’ll have to let it go You’ll have to let it go No... One day, you’ll stand up on your own You’ll stand up on your own Remember losing hope Remember feeling low Remember all the feelings and the day they stopped We are, we are all innocent We are all innocent We are, we are... We are, we are all innocent We are all innocent We are, we are... We are (one day), we are all innocent We are all innocent (you’ll have to let it go) We are, we are (you’ll have to let it go, no..) We are (one day), we are all innocent We are, we are (you’ll stand up on your own) We are, we are all innocent (you’ll stand up on your own..) We are, we are all innocent Our Lady Peace rocks. i have to get tickets for their next concert too. Current Music: none- its too quiet in this house (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 29th, 2005
10:33 pm	i was sitting, waiting, wishing you believed in superstitions then maybe you would see the signs but lord knows that this world is cruel and i aint the lord no im just a fool learning loving somebody dont make them love you must i always be waiting, waiting on you? must i always be playing, playing your fool? i sang your songs i danced your dance i gave your friends all a chance but putting up with them wasnt worth never having you maybe youve been through this before but its my first time so please ignore the next few lines because theyre directed at you i cant always be waiting, waiting on you i cant always be playing, playing your fool i keep playing your part but its not my scene want this plot to twist ive had enough mystery you keep building it up but then youre shooting me down but im already down just wait a minute just sitting, waiting just wait a minute just sitting, waiting well if i was in your position id put down all my ammunition id wonder why it had taken me so long but lord knows that im not you and if i was i wouldnt be so cruel because waiting on love aint so easy to do i cant always be waiting, waiting on you i cant always be playing, playing your fool i am proclaiming my love for jack johnson's music. next time he comes to columbus im getting tickets. (614) 747 2013 Current Mood: ha im "devious" thats crazy Current Music: none- jack's cd is in my car (Comment on this)
4:25 pm	i hope that when the world comes to an end, i can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to. Donnie Darko = best movie EVER (Comment on this)
Friday, May 27th, 2005
3:14 pm	06 bitch. 06. 05 was a fad, available for marketability. and like all fads, it has passed. make room for 06 cuz were gonna rock. but i must say lunch today was obnoxious as hell and i loved it. conversations were something like this: "dude why did they take out the ice cream machine?" "BECAUSE YOU TOUCH YOURSELF IN THE NIGHT!!" "slurpees are 50 cents!" i spaz out and literally run to the lunch line. there was some freshman in my way so i swatted him out of the way. he looked at me like i was an asshole (i mighta been but it was for a 50 cent slurpee) and all i said was "05 is out. i rule this school now bitch." the lunch lady clapped for me. and now i guess i have to get ready for work. i really dont like working at panera. but its a paycheck until i find something else. after work i have to stop at after hours and get my tux (yeah--at like 9 in the evening. are they even open that late?? im skipping the closing rituals so i can get that tux). then who knows? you better call me with plans. 1 614 747 2013 Current Mood: not really high but i wanna be Current Music: green day. "fucked without a kiss again." great song. (3 Comments |Comment on this)